All day long, I live to work in a fucking factory...

There are those days when you just want to listen to your favorite punk records and tell everything else to get fucked. These days have accounted for most of 2009 in my case.

This morning's been spent with one of my favorite LPs, a record containing the collected output from two of Holland's best hardcore punk bands, Jesus and the Gospelfuckers and the closely-related Agent Orange. In addition to the great tunes the LP contains a very well put-together photo booklet with one of the most ridiculous autobiographical essays as the cherry on top. As you read through the essay, written by the Gospelfucker's namesake, and Agent Orange's, lead guitarist extraordinaire, Jesus, you're quickly thrown into their world of nihilism, contempt and general misanthropy complete with probable VDs and eternal rotten beer stench as you black out in a squat somewhere in Holland.

And now the choice quotes [(sic) where applicable]:

"We also played the Rock Against Racism festival in Haarlem. First we had a fight with the organisation because I was not allowed to wear my swastika t-shirt. ... So I played without the t-shirt. I putted it on again during the gig, so this hippy organisation guy came on stage to fuck about the t-shirt and I smacked him in the face, which of course was a great show, this nose bleeding hippy laying there, while we played on."

"...we did gigs with some of the more famous punk band from that moment. Exploited, from whom we took all their beers, after smacking their roadie on his mouth. UK Subs, who's microphone we stole. After the gig we scared the shit out of the singer by destroying their dressing room."

"... And all the political punk nerds that walk around being anti-globalists now and all, can lick my dick."

"MDC came to Holland and we did a gig with them in Arnhem. We were still doing our drink and drugs thing and I remember MDC as very serious and sober. We were with 15 people in a mini van and were stopped by the police, because we were throwing beer bottles at them from the van. One by one were were let out of the bus, strip surged and of course the police found a lot of speed, coke and weed. The MDC members were really freaking out. They thought that they would go to jail, but we explained them that the policeman in Holland are pussy's. After the pussy's had done all of us, they confiscated our drugs and ordered the van to drive of with only 3 passengers. The rest of us (including MDC) had to walk to the concert. Eventually they arrived in Arhem and we did one of our best gigs ever..."

"After I had my act together again, I met Agent Orange. Because I wanted to play again, I joined them. With them the old punk idea lived again. We got into massive fights again, Vallerie, the singer tried to commit suicide on stage, one time I went to jail, for fighting of course, just before a gig. We were drunk all the time and we all fucked Vallerie."

For how great the Jesus and the Gospelfuckers demo and the subsequent Agent Orange 7"s and demos are, all of these stories make sense. Of course, what's a great autobiographical anything without a heartwarming, common sense conclusion?

"After the hospital I first became a Streetcorner worker (social worker), studided and now I have my own company. I am a behaviorist trainer now and I train people in how to deal with aggression and violence, on their jobs."

Further reading:
Jezus and the Gospelfuckers OG demo tape review on bidhardcore.com

Agent Orange page on Kill From the Heart

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